Wow, how perfect, one month to the day since the last post, though honestly it feels longer. The struggle obviously has persisted. But here I am with something to say, so something must have changed, right? Yes, as a matter of fact. I am happy to report a breakthrough of proportion equal to the block I've suffered from these last months. It's hard not to attribute a psychological theory to these events. Its is too coincidental that on very eve of hitting my 150-page halfway mark that suddenly the work seized up as though everything that had preceded before had been some erroneous fluke. I stumbled over such a seemingly trivial scene, that even if it was unsatisfactory for the moment, it had no right, no reason to so completely stonewall my progress over the last two months. A simple band aid, a pass, a place holder should have had me side-stepping the problem and forging ahead. But no. Everything had to come to a crashing stop. Two months of unrivaled productivity and purpose gave way to an equal measure of frustration and angst. Was it meant to be? Was it not the stumbling block of the scene itself that stopped me, but some larger restoration of balance? I don't know yet, but I am increasingly open to that possibility that this start and stop phenomena is part of my process. Maybe the only reason I am willing to accept that ridiculous possibility is because I have just had a break through of seemingly equal measure. The last week I could feel myself beginning to crack open. These last two days I somehow managed to wedge in the lever that would break the dam. And here I am finally with something worth reporting. Not only is that dastardly scene resolved (this point of inertia that I have been tracing backwards for two months to find the root cause of my own immobility) but now the entire story has far greater clarity, purpose and meaning to me. I know what I am saying, why I am saying it, and how I best want to say it (more or less). I can now go back and look at every scene I have written so far and re-work them to their truer form. I can move a head, sticking point and on, to the last pages of the book and the first pages of the next with conviction and confidence. This is not to say the journey will be easy and without further event. I fully expect as I encroach on my next major milestone, the completion of the first draft at the very least, that I will crack and list and cave again. But that's all part of the process now right? I'll take those moments as they come. My original plan was to kick off my three month leave from work in mid-July. As it stands my current project is progressing so rapidly that there is the possibility I could leave earlier. We'll see how circumstances develop. I am emboldened by the latest turn (barring any sudden reversals) and feel as confident as I can I will still swing into my break with both fists. Where I go now is up for question though, as I either press ahead with my renewed vision, leaving the first half as it is, or I stop, make a quick U and swing back to he beginning effectively redrafting my book. I suppose I won't necessarily know the answer to that one until I just put myself back in the page and see where the work wants to take me. More likely than not I expect to forge ahead and save the redrafting for later.
This is the general report for the moment. More details and introspection to follow later.
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